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April 07, 2005

World Relieved Popuppupop not Damaged by Romantic Mortification

Pretty and witty and gay / Image Hosted by ImageShack.usThe world was relieved to hear that Popup Pupop, 34.5, still feels “pretty and witty and gay” despite a minor humiliation last evening when he was ignored by his latest romantic interest, the host of the small social event he was attending and with whom the interest had previously appeared mutual.

“I don’t get it!” exclaimed a visibly disappointed Mr Pupop. “It seemed clear that the interest was reciprocal and that was the reason he’d invited me – he’d never invited me anywhere before. And then when I got there he like totally pretended I was like dog doo on his shoe and so I was all ‘Whatever. See ya’.’”

Efforts on his behalf only seemed to compound the problem as Mr Pupop’s friend, Can’t Keep ‘Er Gob Shut, dragged him from person to person at the event, introducing him to strangers she deemed attractive and telling him to “laugh as if you’ve just heard something fantastically clever. It’ll make him jealous,” she advised, referring to event host, the scorning potential lover, Great Big Poopyhead.

Mr Pupop has been known to wonder when his life had turned into the cliché of an episode of “Will & Grace”.

Sympathy from close friends was muted. “Honey, why do you waste time with these airheads?” reportedly said bestest friend, AlefAlef, 33.5 and perpetually single so why should I take romantic advice from him, who is accustomed to seeing Mr Pupop’s romantic life construct and demolish itself on a weekly basis. “If you want a boyfriend, find someone more compatible, maybe someone less pretty.”

Although Mr Pupop is still undecided as to whether he indeed desires a lifelong romantic partner or whether he would prefer to flit about for as long as he still looks slightly younger than his actual age, he did articulate that despite the mortification, he does indeed feel “pretty and witty and gay.”

Reaction from world leaders to the news was one of relief.

“I was concerned he would be cranky and moody for the next couple of days,” said Canada’s Prime Minister Paul Martin. “But if he says he’s doing ok, then I think that’s great!”

Prince Hans-Adam II / Image Hosted by ImageShack.us“I recall that the last time this happened, he ate an entire box of Krispy Kreme glazed,” reminisced Prince Hans-Adam II of Liechtenstein, Europe’s only absolute monarchy. “Then of course he had an upset tummy, which in turn made him even more difficult to get along with than usual. I’m glad that doesn’t appear to be the case this time.”

America’s President Bush had no comment as he was too busy shredding the civil liberties of the American public to concern himself with the matter.

There was some speculation as to whether the “pretty and witty and gay” comment was merely a smokescreen to hide the usual disappointment at yet another romantic failure.

“Well, he is gay, at least,” added AlefAlef, not very helpfully.