Cat Owner Narrowly Avoids Blood-Soaked Death
A resident of [some city somewhere] was “shocked and amazed” when his cat, Noudnic, 3.5, not only accepted a new brand of cat food but seemed pleased by its flavour.
“The last time I tried to change Noudnic’s favourite brand, he peed on all my plants, knocked all my books off the bookshelf, kept me up all night by playing with my feet, and generally tore about the place as if his tail were on fire. It was quite maddening,” said Popup Pupop, 794 years old. “And he’s normally a very friendly, placid creature,” added Mr. Pupop.
Cats – unlike dogs and humans, who have less discriminating taste – are very particular about the food they prefer to have served them and will often refuse, at times violently, a change in sustenance routine.
“But when I noticed that Flavoured Vittles had changed their packaging to better reflect a lifestyle I think appropriate to mine, I had to buy them,” continued Mr. Pupop, author of the already famous Blample Sog blog, as well as of the legendary, now-defunct Surly Snobby blog; various letters to national and international newspapers; and translator of such popular training manuals for bank employees such as Try Not to Giggle When They Complain about the Service and Discussing Loans With “Clients”: Up Your Condescension. He is also the author of various brilliant yet mystifyingly as-yet unpublished short stories and novels.
“But the kicker was when I saw that they were advertising that Flavoured Vittles now contain 4.3% more animal product. That’s a lot more animal product! How could Noudnic possible refuse that?”
Some of Mr. Pupop’s friends and family contend that he should get himself a real job, get a life, stop going on dates with bubbleheaded boys with nice bums, stop having meaningless sex, and get a real boyfriend and settle down fer gawd’s sake. Mr. Pupop, however, is satisfied with the course of his life so far and sees no reason to change anything but his cat’s food.
“The last time I tried to change Noudnic’s favourite brand, he peed on all my plants, knocked all my books off the bookshelf, kept me up all night by playing with my feet, and generally tore about the place as if his tail were on fire. It was quite maddening,” said Popup Pupop, 794 years old. “And he’s normally a very friendly, placid creature,” added Mr. Pupop.Cats – unlike dogs and humans, who have less discriminating taste – are very particular about the food they prefer to have served them and will often refuse, at times violently, a change in sustenance routine.
“But when I noticed that Flavoured Vittles had changed their packaging to better reflect a lifestyle I think appropriate to mine, I had to buy them,” continued Mr. Pupop, author of the already famous Blample Sog blog, as well as of the legendary, now-defunct Surly Snobby blog; various letters to national and international newspapers; and translator of such popular training manuals for bank employees such as Try Not to Giggle When They Complain about the Service and Discussing Loans With “Clients”: Up Your Condescension. He is also the author of various brilliant yet mystifyingly as-yet unpublished short stories and novels.
“But the kicker was when I saw that they were advertising that Flavoured Vittles now contain 4.3% more animal product. That’s a lot more animal product! How could Noudnic possible refuse that?”Some of Mr. Pupop’s friends and family contend that he should get himself a real job, get a life, stop going on dates with bubbleheaded boys with nice bums, stop having meaningless sex, and get a real boyfriend and settle down fer gawd’s sake. Mr. Pupop, however, is satisfied with the course of his life so far and sees no reason to change anything but his cat’s food.
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